Coraline's Dense Hallucinations
by Happy Noodle
Summary: In this parody, Wybie is even more dorkier, the Jones are insane, the Other Folks are...Err...Eccentric, and Coraline is a jerk. But with these people, wouldn't you be, too? Rated S for Swearing, Situations, and Stupid Content.
1. In Which Wybie Preforms Swan Lake

AN:

This is awful. I know. But I just had to write this. For teh lulz. I love Coraline enough to make fun of it. Badly.

The Wybie joke is from Metal Gear Awesome, because its the last thing i've watched and so its going in here. Its really late right now. Sorry.

* * *

Coraline Jones surveyed the grounds around her new home, The Pink Palace.

"God Ashland sucks!" She remarked, looking around at the dull landscape.

She plucked a small branch off a nearby bush and put in in-front of her like a dowsing rod.

"Time to go find that secret well my parents don't want me going to, cause i'm a REBBEEEEELLL."

She followed the pulls of the dowsing rod till-

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEOW" A voice rang out

"Holy character introduction, a Oregon mountain lion! Because that obviously sounded like Oregon mountain lion!"

Her face paled, and she ran ahead, away from the sound.

She entered a clearing.

"I found the well! This obviously won't be a plot device. I can see no way this simple, unimportant well will be a plot device in the future."

A loud thunder cut her obnoxious thoughts short, and she looked up to see a steam-punk esque motorbike speeding towards her.

"Oh my Goooooooooood!" She yelled and she ducked to the side, the motorbike missing her by inches.

The rider stopped the bike and took off his helmet. "U-uh oh..." He stuttered out.

Coraline got up, a little shaken, and turned towards him, preparing to rant.

The boy gasped, holding back a fanboy squeal. "You have blue hair! This is just like one of my Japanese animes!"

"Dude, what the eff are you talking about? You just tried to run me over with a motorcycle, and your all talking about some stupid Japanese show I don't give a crap about!"

Tears welled up in the boy's eyes. "Uuuuuu..."

Coraline rolled her eyes. "Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. ...That much. I'm Coraline Jones, I just moved here."

The boy shot his head up, tears instantly gone. "Hi! I'm Wybiechan! I'm love anime, don't you?"

"Uhhhhh yeah whatever. So why were you trying to freaking kill me?"

"I was bored, hee hee...ha...heh..." Wybie said, slouching his shoulders.

Coraline grimaced.

He giggled. Then his laughter became creepy, and he clutched his sides. "My Grandma locks me in the house all day, all I have is dial-up internet and a DVD boxset of Princess Tutu...Ha...He...Ha...Balet..." He pulled a tutu out of his long jacket.

"Uhhhhh-Okay then. I'm going home. To advance the plot. So I hope- AW JESUS I GOT POISON OAK!" Coraline yelled.

"I know..." Wybie giggled, putting on the tutu and dancing around giddily.

Coraline just stared. "Oooooo...Kay...I'm leaving now. I gotta go find the plot. Bye...Person."

She left the strange boy, still dancing to Swan Lake.

* * *

AN: I'm sorry.


	2. In Which Coraline Gets Vaccinated

AN: Hey, "i hate you girl", before you attempt to insult me, at least spell "your" ( should be you're) right. Don't get me wrong, I love "flames", but come on. Haters gonna hate! If you hate my story, insult my story, not me ;)

* * *

Coraline rushed home, not wanting the crazy, tutu clad boy following her.

She flung open the front door of the flat, pondered what to do, and wandered into the kitchen where her mother was working on a laptop.

Her mother eyed her hand and screamed, "BY GOD YOU HAVE POISON OAK!"

Her father heard this and quickly rushed in, and grabbed the girls arm quickly. "HER NERVOUS SYSTEM IS SCREAMING IN AGONY! I NEED TEN CC'S OF PENICILLIN, STAT!"

Her mother hastily ran to the refridgerater to get sterile needles.

"CLEAR" He said as he took a needle from his wife.

"THIS ISN'T CANON TO THE ORIGINAL STORY AND IS A LAUGHABLE SENARIO AT BEST!" Coraline screamed as her father gave her a shot of pencillin.

She managed to escape their grasp's and ran quickly upstairs into her room.

"I would like to make it aware to the audience that I utterly loathe those people, if you couldn't already tell by the plot of this movie." She mumbled, and crawled into her warm bed.

"Ah well...Time to sleep..." Coraline said and lightly dozed off.

Considerably later, she stirred from her sleep, intteruppted by a strange squeaking sound.

"Murghrghghgh..." She said groggily, looking over the edge of the bed.

Five small mice looked back at her, then quickly scurried out the door.

...

A few minutes later they came back into the room to find Coraline back to sleep on the bed, and they squeaked loudly to awaken her.

"Auuuugh...What the eff do you guys want I want to sleep..." She said annoyed and groggy, closing her eyes again.

"You need to follow us. Move the plot!" They squeaked, equally as annoyed.

"Shawdupp, this isn't Disney." She leaned in and gave them a cold stare. "THIS IS LAIKA...BITCH!"

The mice remained silent, a little shaken, then after a minute they gave her a even colder stare that told all.

"Jeez..." She grumbled, slowly making her way out of bed.

The mice darted out of the room and down the stairs, Coraline following slowly behind.

They led her to a small door in the parlor room, and crawled inside the space.

Coraline opened the door and a gust of wind blew from the opening. "AUGH WHO FARTED."

A glowing tunnel was before her, cool and inviting, it led to another door a few feet away.

"Ah well okay then." She said and crawled through, unprepared for what she would see on the other side.

Nobody would ever be prepared for what was on the other side.

* * *

AN: I...I put a fart joke in this.

Wow. I'm sorry. I just...Wow.


End file.
